"I'm Trying"

My sixth grade daughter has a terrible habit of saying "I didn't try to do this or that", especially when it comes to her fourth grade sister. 

"Mom, I didn't mean to hit her. I didn't try to make her upset. I wasn't planning on making her cry. . . "

Thanks to these continuous comments, we had a chat. Okay, in all reality, it was one of those mom and daughter fights where I yell, she cries, and then, we repeat for a while until we get all our emotions out, hug it out, and then, move on until the next time. More specifically, for my daughter Haidyn this includes her venting on everything she has been upset about for the past month. In this turmoil, I finally realized that I needed her to change her conversation with me. Instead of saying, "I'm not trying to, Mom." I needed her to say, "I'm trying." This would mean she is trying the best she can to not yell, hurt feelings, or hit, but since human emotions are involved and possibly developing hormones, she would still have moments when all the emotions and anger would come out. Nevertheless, it would indicate to me that I need to realize she is "trying". 

Furthermore, I kept thinking about "I'm trying." 

I have heard from others in the education field say that students are not trying. As I reflected, I thought, what if they are trying? What if they are doing their very best, and it is nowhere at the expectation of that teacher, or parent, or friend? In all actuality, I setup my own family for failure, as my expectations are at a level that is very likely unattainable. What if these students, or our husbands/wives, or our kids are trying as hard as they can for that day and that time? We all have those days that even as we give our best effort, we know it isn't our usual best, but we are trying. 

I realize that the counterargument to this is that what if they are just saying they are trying, and they really aren't. I get it. Sometimes, there are other factors, and they truly are not giving their best effort.

However, what if you give that person the benefit of the doubt? Just once or twice. You say, "I know you are trying. I know this is tough. I know this is harder than you thought it would be. You can do it. You can get through it. Keep trying. Keep going." 

What then? 

What if trying does count? What if through that encouragement the trying made them try a little more than usual, and they reached your expectation? Or what if you realized that a little mercy goes a long way?

Since the argument with Haidyn, another new argument has taken its toll again. In that argument, she said what I asked her to change to. "I'm trying." It made me take a breath, pause, and think. She is trying the best she can for an 11 year old. She is just going to have to be enough for now. I have to realize that is all she can give. She is "trying".

The next time someone says, "I'm trying". Take a moment to pause, and ask yourself: How can you help him or her in this moment? Or, the next time you say, "I'm trying", what do you need from someone? How can we support each other because every day all of us are "trying" the best we can to make it through our life's journey.

Day 31: My Mom's Day

Today is my mom's birthday, as she would be 84. I miss her every single day.

Picture her:
My mom was always curled up in a chair reading a book and eating cookies. Or you can see her working in the house going from laundry to cooking a meal and cleaning it all up. She was a hard worker, but when all the work was done (probably by 10 a.m. as she had been at work since 4), she enjoyed relaxing by reading or talking (she would talk on the phone until her hand went to sleep).

Hear her:
My mom was a storyteller. I loved hearing about her growing up, and I would ask her to tell the same stories over and over. She laughed loudly and often. When Haidyn was little and my mom was alive, when they talked on the phone, my mom would just say, "Let's laugh." And she would start laughing, and so would Haidyn. They just sat and laughed on the phone for 5 minutes. When we talked between rooms growing up, we spoke loudly rather than walking to each other to have the conversation. When I called her when I was sick, she would say, "Oh poor baby. I wish I could come there and take care of you." And she meant it. She and I could talk at the same time on the phone, yet we were never lost.

Feel her:
My mom gave the best hugs. She was always warm and soft, and I sat on her lap until I was in college. Every morning, I woke up sleepy, and I sat on her lap face to face and tried to sleep a little more. She was comforting and loving and everything you wanted a mom to be.

I could go on and on about memories of my mom, but this gives you just enough to love her without ever meeting her. I am sure of it.

Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you!

Take time today to call or see your mom in honor of mine.

Day 30: Prayer & Anxiety

God answers prayers.

I have been a witness to God answering massive prayers, where I have prayed for days and days. I can also say he has blessed me by answering tiny prayers as well.

One thing you may not know about me is that I have anxiety. This can range from worrying about something upcoming to worrying right when it is happening to worrying after it has already happened while playing it over and over in my head. I have known my whole life that I was anxious, as my stomach plays a large role in that.

I used to just get a fluttery stomach when I was very young when I worried about things. Some of the topics that could get me worked up were death, moving, change. To be completely honest, those three words still scare me some, but thanks to years of prayer about them, not as much. When I began really liking boys and dating, my stomach continued to accompany my anxiety, as I threw up on every date. Yes, I know this is peculiar and gross, but the gentlemen were always very nice about it. I just got so nervous, and we would eat dinner every time. Maybe I needed a date where I didn't eat. Nevertheless, I never threw up when dating Jason, so I married him. Now, when I worry about things, my stomach continues to feel ill at ease, but I can usually maintain it.

The only way for me to get through my anxiety and worry is to pray. I pray and talk to God all during my worrisome times, and He is there to remind me that He has got it all under control. I ask for Him to fix situations or provide peace about them. I have found the best method is to return to the person I had the conversation with and work through my thoughts (if I am worrying after a conversation or before one), or I can ask as many questions as I can think of that need to be answered, and when they are all answered, and I have validated my decision, I can let it go (this is when I am trying to make a decision).

Today, I had one of those days that included anxiety. Jason and I had decided to go look at a GMC Acadia to see if we were interested in buying it. Long story short, we had a 2009, and it fell apart and cost us a vacation. Would we put ourselves in that situation again with this newer version with good reviews?

We traveled to Fayetteville, Arkansas. Just entering a car lot can be intimidating, but I knew we did not have to leave with a car, as we were not stuck in a situation but just looking for the future. Going through the motions, we both drove the vehicle, and there were things we liked about it. However, we did ask if we could see another vehicle similar to the Acadia. Our helpful salesperson offered the Toyota Highlander as an option. Through my research, this was one we had been considering. Again, we drove the vehicle, and it did not seem to have as many gadgets but it was bigger, cleaner, newer and in better condition. The next steps include waiting to see how the financing works out. My anxiety did not enter until we had to decide which payment type we wanted. Committing to hundreds of dollars a month and to years of this payment is when it entered. I get so frustrated that a car that costs $2,000 ends up costing $7,000 due to interest. Jason and I talked and talked, and we just weren't settled with our options. The guy returns looking for one more, and then, we can finally get on board. Meanwhile, my stomach has gone from being okay to not being okay and back and forth. I never know if I know all the questions to ask, and I question whether we should make big purchases. We lived for several years spread so thin, so even though we have more money coming in, I get nervous. Finally, after the four hours of going through the motions, we did decide to buy the Toyota Highlander.

God answers prayers. We paid no money down, and we are in a payment that we believe we can afford with guarantees to fix the car if it breaks down. We are blessed with a vehicle that our family can enjoy, and we are able to take other children to church and to activities where they can have fun. We can go on a vacation in a spacious environment. God got me through my anxiety, helped us make a solid decision, and He got us home safely (I had to drive in the dark with horrible construction in a place I have never driven - yes, more anxiety).

Thank you, God, for everything you do every day.

Day 29: Who Do You Want to Be?

Today was the day for my reflection conversation with Dr. Moeller. Usually, I leave these conversations thinking very deeply, and I walk away with a quote that I cannot get out of my head. This year, he wrote my quote down, and I moved my thinking but in a bit of a different way.

The questions he always forces me to remember are
Who are you? 
                      Who do you want to be?
                                                          Are your behaviors congruent?

Simply questions. Deep thinking.

I believe I wrote a blog post about this last year, but my mind goes to my daughter Haidyn. This year Mrs. Buford asked them to make a slide for what they want to be when they grow up. Haidyn, at that time, was dreaming of being a chef. We took her picture, and she pasted it on the slide. Through our discussion, I explained to her that I think the challenge should not be what you want to be but who you want to be when you grow up. Do you want to be the kind person that is full of compassion? Do you want to be the comic relief when others are sad? Do you want to be a listener? a collaborator? a leader? a changer?

If I think about who I want to be, one of the things I want to be is an encourager. Our world is so filled with negativity that I hope to not contribute to that bucket, but I want to fill up the positivity bucket. This can range from compliments to validation. I feel like this is one of my strengths, and I hope that I can choose congruent behaviors to represent who I want to be.

Who do you want to be?

Day 28: Childhood Playtime

After peeking at the topic for today, I would like to share random friendship stories with you today.

Thinking back to some of my childhood friends, I had some interesting things I played with my friends.

When I was really young, I played with my neighbor's grandchildren. They ran a vet office downstairs, and their house was upstairs. The Mayes family had 3 children, but Jessica was much older. I played with Veronica, who was one year older, and Danny, who was one year younger. I played He-man and She-ra with Danny. We played on the back porch, and I was always riding the tiger around and drawing my sword.

In second grade, I had a friend named Trish, and we played in the ditch at school. There were holes in the dirt, and we imagined that these tiny people lived inside the holes. In addition, we believed that rocks could talk and had feelings as well. I have no idea where this came from, but it explains my daughter Paisley's imagination a bit more.

In third grade, I sat on the hill with my friend Traci, and we hung out with boys and listened to the Dirty Dancing cassette tape. No, I had never seen the movie, but I loved the songs. I even performed "Hungry Eyes" at her birthday party that year to the parents and kids. Her birthday party was at a hotel, and we swam, had pizza, and stayed up late. So fun!

In fourth grade, I moved to Welch, and I became good friends with a church and school friend named Amy. I loved Amy's house because she had a playhouse in her backyard. We would play for hours in there from playing school to playing house. When she was in town, we played house at her grandma's house, and we also rode bikes. We were able to ride several blocks, which is half of our town.

Thinking about all of these memories, I played outside and used my imagination most of the time. I was not a huge doll fan, but I did play games with my dad like cards and dominos. I have always loved TV shows, but I never owned a game system. I also read a lot of books, but I did that in the car mostly. Dwelling on these few memories makes me smile. I can conclude that I still would rather use my imagination and go play outside if the temperature is right more than anything else.

I have had lots of friends in my lifetime, and I have made great memories with so many of them.

Day 27: An Instructional Coach Is . . . Busy

Being an instructional coach can be challenging sometimes. There are still moments when I think this job will end, and I will be a teacher again, like I am just on a vacation from the other. I truly love what I do as a coach, and I love the pace of the job. When you tell anyone your job title, they look at you like what is that?!. My husband says, "I teach the teachers", but I would disagree because they teach me. The way I explain it is I am over professional development, writing curriculum, and working with teachers to create the best environment for students. Yet, until you look over my calendar or hear me talk about all the things I do, you don't really see it all. Here's a peek into my daily life in a typical week.

Monday - Every other week, we meet with the junior high administration first, and then, as coaches, we meet together. In these meetings they range from dialogue on the next big ideas to working diligently planning the next event from brainstorming over Top Chef to determining the best books for professional development to planning a Title instructional coaches meeting. Some days these days are my favorite because I work with my team all day, and we have really grown to be a very close group.

Tuesday - If this were a Core Team day, then, I would be the most like a teacher these days, as I require my "withitness" on these days. These days are filled with many goals, as this year, we have been writing curriculum. We use the backwards method, as we should, begin with the assessment in mind, and then, add resources and instructional strategies to create the units. I enjoy the inclusion activities and getting to know teachers and have insight into their classrooms, which helps me find resources that the students and the teachers enjoy even more. While all this is going on, I am hoping to include opportunities for conversations on all kinds of topics from what might need changed to what is being celebrated. For the most part, these days make everyone tired, as we do so much deep thinking, but I always feel accomplished and excited at all the good things we have planned.

Wednesday - If this were a day where I would have team meetings in either of my buildings, they tend to move pretty quickly. However, just like a teacher, doing the same meeting over and over can sometimes wear on you. The new conversations in each is what I looks forward to, and I love how different they can be. I love how different pockets of people have such different personalities and still work together so well. Sometimes, I walk away from these blown away by the positive things teachers are doing.

Thursday - If this were a day where I met with teachers and had some of my programs involved, it might look like this:
7:30-9: Work on curriculum or to do list
9-10: Meet with a teacher to plan their next unit
10-11: Go with a 6th grade teacher and her class to Madge T. James for tutoring
11-1: Have Lunchdate with a Book in the library with 3 lunch groups
1-3: Answer or ask email questions, order/look up resources, plan next meetings, work on something specific for a teacher

Friday - If this were a day where I was able to travel for professional development, it would include leaving early, usually. Talking in the vehicle is something I love, as I get to know the teachers. Keeping the conversation going is one of my goals, and then, when we arrive, we get to find out new ideas and practices to implement in the classroom. Learning new things is my favorite! I even like the lunch and drive back talks because then, we focus on all the information we were taking in, and we usually make steps on how to implement it. I have one of these next Friday for social studies, and I am truly looking forward to it.

Saturday/Sunday - Sometime on the weekend, I am probably making a test, gathering resources, crunching data, sending emails, or planning meetings for the week. Very rarely does a weekend go by that I am not working some portion of it.

I hope you can see some of the things that an instructional coach does to further understand my busy life. :)

Day 26: My Husband

Husbands are interesting creatures, and mine for sure fits into that category. I met my husband at a Missouri Southern football game, and football has been a part of our lives ever since. I mean our dog's name is Oakland for crying out loud. Football is something we share, but we do not always see eye to eye on everything.

Jason and I are complete opposites on some things and so common in other ways. As for the extreme differences, the biggest one is I am extroverted, and he is introverted. This has really challenged my thinking, and to be honest, Facebook, of all things, has helped. Maybe you have seen those posts that explain how an introvert feels such as when they are with people it drains them, and that sometimes, they come across cross, rude, or uninterested. This makes a lot of sense to me with Jason because other people even in college thought he was no fun because of his facial expression or demeanor, yet when you talk to him, he is not like that at all. He is just better in small groups. Moreover, when we hang out with a group of people or meet new people, I thrive, and he asks a bazillion questions first and needs to go home early. He can get excited just like anyone else, but is takes a while to build that up with him. Many times it is hard to tell what he is thinking, and asking repeatedly is not the best method. Jason will basically tell you what he thinks when he wants to, which can be viewed good or bad. While I show every emotion all the time and will tell you what I am thinking as soon as you hint that I might need to, so we are just very different in our communication styles as well.

Other differences usually tie to how we were brought up, so that affects how we make decisions. For example, in his family, children are not the center of attention, but in my family, they are. My entire family is in the business of education, so understanding his work has been something I have to ask questions about to gain more information. Lastly, we even argue differently, which makes for an interesting discussion.

The good news is when it comes down to the necessities in life, though, we agree on God, our children, and our house. I believe over the years we have changed each other a little bit to agree more and more on these topics. The benefits of having some of the same tastes include sharing common likes in food, music, and activities (such as game playing on the weekends). Despite the differences, I do enjoy my life with Jason, and I look forward to see how we will change over the years growing together.