Day 14: Disappointment . . . and Excitement

Disappointment is a feeling that nobody likes to have, yet we all seem to suffer from it in a response to both large and small things. Disappointment can vary from a not even knowing you were holding on to a little hope to hoping with all your heart, and then, it doesn't happen. Personally, I have found that it is true that you never want to disappoint your parents, and in my case, I don't want to disappoint my siblings, my friends, my colleagues, my husband and children. I even still have intrinsic motivation to please my parents, and they are no longer living. In a spiritual nature, I also don't want to let down God, and I do that daily. In addition, I have high expectations for myself, and I don't want to disappoint that either.

That takes me to my next point: high expectations. My point values are pretty high, and I have had to adjust them to make relationships work, which in turn burns me up. Lowering my standards and expectations to fit someone just really hacks me off. Yet, I know if I care about the person and realize that their best is not my expectation of best, then, I might as well lower my hopes. Many times lowering my expectations brings about immediate disappointment.

This topic tonight came from several disappointing things from today. I woke up this morning to a dream about celebrating my first anniversary with Jason, and my mom was there. I had this Vivitar camera (which is a real camera, and it would not need to be wound like a throw away camera, yet I had to do that), and I tried to take a picture of my mom. I could not because it was out of film, but I thought in my head I can't take a picture of my mom because she is an angel. Pretty disappointing to not get a picture of her, and then, to wake up, and I can't see her anymore is even more disappointing. This is the I had no hopes of the situation, yet I was still disappointed.

Next, my daughter Haidyn has had her mind set on something she wanted, and she found out she was not selected. She was broken, crying and hurting. Not only was it disappointing for her, but as a mother, it was disappointing for me. I felt her feelings, and she was blaming herself, which she shouldn't have. This disappointment is felt very deeply, like a double dose of it.

Life may bring lots of disappointments, but along with that, it brings excitement. In this same day, I was able to see my good friend and past student Emily Roderique and her seventh grade students have a wonderful turnout for the passion projects, and I even made the news (again, excitement for something you did not even consider happening). Not to mention, I was excited my favorite pair of socks were clean, which is something I expect, and it was delightful. Finally, tomorrow afternoon we get to travel to Kansas City for a weekend to kick off spring break. This is something we have been looking forward to a long time, as we had a getaway planned in February, but Paisley got the flu. Therefore, this is the building of excitement, and instead of a let down, it is going to be a gear up!

True excitement is one of very favorite feelings. I remember having some major excitement in the beginning days of knowing and dating Jason, and then, again, waiting excitedly for both of my daughters to arrive. Lastly, I am super excited to spend a weekend with those people that have sparked my excitement for so long!

May you make your way through the puddles of disappointment and have more rainbows of excitement instead!